This is a very candid and graphic entry about one woman’s experience with abortion.
If you know of anyone who could benefit from this blog entry, please share it with them.
I have found very little on the internet about abortions that isn’t some religous person preaching the morality of the topic. Every woman’s story is different. People make the choice to have children or not for lots of reasons.
There is NO right or wrong choice. Be true to yourself and take care. -xo-
What to expect when you’re unexpectedly expecting
One of my close lady friends discovered that she is with child, and like most 20-somethings that have no designs on the pitter-patter of little feet anytime soon, is freaking the fuck out. She moved out here a few years ago from out west, with no family remotely nearby to give her hugs and tell her it’s going to be ok and most importantly, help her through this tough choice and take care of her on that day. As we are close friends, I’d consider her “Friembly”, so I am glad she called me and felt comfortable enough to come to me with such a huge and personal problem.
“BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GUY?!” “SHE DIDN’T MAKE THAT BABY SCREAMING HER OWN NAME!” I can hear legions of ladies screaming at their monitors. RELAX BITCHES. Her dude is one of the best guys I know. If you knew him, he’d probably put your significant other to shame. He works in the service industry where paid days off do not exist, and since she will be taking a day or two off, someone still needs to bring home the bacon. He is 100% on board with the decision and procedure. Their lines of communication are open and are flooding with dialogue and peppered with lighthearted jokes.
You’ve let the cat out of the bag and he’s reacting badly to the news
Emotionally, some women find it hard to cope with having had an abortion. Often women are very conscious of the time factor when they make their choice. Hormonal changes when the pregnancy is terminated may also make a woman more emotional. Talk to your partner or other people you can trust and let them know what you are feeling.
FYI – Good, clear communication should always be present in ANY relationship – regardless of the situation. Under no circumstances should you be made to feel terrible or like this is in anyway YOUR FAULT. It takes two to tango and to make a baby, so fuck them. No wait – don’t do that. That’s how you got here in the first place. GET AWAY FROM THEM. Find a safe place to go and hang out there. Let the dust settle. If they are still behaving like an asshole a few days later, this should be a huge red flag and it sounds like you may have more to deal with than just the potential of a baby.Some women may want professional counselling at this time. If you are not sure how to arrange counselling sessions, talk to the people where you had your abortion and ask them to refer you.
The other big reason why she came to me, is because I had an abortion a few years ago. Just in case you missed it,
I HAD AN ABORTION.
It’s not something that I normally advertise, but if anyone asks me, I tell them straight up. I’m not ashamed. I made the right decision for my life at that time. The stigma and shame associated with this is RIDICULOUS!! It’s taboo because of religion – primarily Christianity. Needless to say, growing up in an Irish/Italian Catholic household, it went over as well as a fart in church. I was so scared to tell my family that I was pregnant, I waited to tell them while we were in a public place. I was in such a state of self preservation, I felt like I needed to out my dirty secret in the frozen food section at Trader Joe’s. They turned a lovely shade of purple because they were so horrified and couldn’t yell at their 26 year old daughter surrounded by strangers.
Was it an easy choice. No. Was it the obvious choice? YES.
I was in an extremely abusive relationship, we lived in a studio apartment that was 500 square feet (or less), and I was the only one working (2 jobs) because he didn’t want to get a job. I came home one morning after going out with coworkers and stayed at my best friend’s house since she lived around the corner. As I walked into the room, bag in hand saying “Hello? Are you home?” he jumped out from behind the wall, put me into a headlock and punched me over and over in the face while demanding where I was and why was my phone dead. I started carrying a small 2 inch screwdriver in my back pocket after that. Subsequently, we terminated our 6 year on-again/off-again relationship and it was FOR THE BEST!! (Free at last, free at last!) He still denies that I was ever pregnant or it couldn’t have been his. *eye roll* Now tell me how I was supposed to raise a baby into that kind of a household?
Babies cost a lot of money and time. Remember those two jobs I mentioned that I had? I was working 60 hour weeks – commuting 65 miles 3 days a week for one of them and I made less than 30K a year between the two. How is anyone supposed to manage to support 2 adults and a baby on that kind of income? Ask any new parent how they are sleeping and they will respond with “What is this ‘sleep’ phenomena that you speak of?” So I’m supposed to raise a baby and work 2 jobs and deal with mental and physical abuse? Don’t think so.
Then there are the mother fucking Protesters. At times there may be protesters outside of the health center. The center suggests that you avoid interaction with them. Assholes with photos of dead babies, dolls in baby carriages and maybe Robby Roadsteamer holding up a “Bring Back The McRib” sign, which would make me hungry.
(This was actually the part I was most looking forward to, I really wanted to fuck with them… BADLY!) I had thought of stuffing my shirt with pillows and wearing a shirt that says “My baby is pro-choice” or arming myself with useful comebacks like “Sorry, AIDS baby.” or saying “I saw a limp wrist in the ultrasound, so it’s clearly gay.” Then I had come up with more thoughtful things to say like “Let me get your address, because if you want this baby to live so badly, it can live with you.” However since it was the dead of January in New England, I was fortunate enough not to have to look at dead babies and have people screaming horrible things at me, forcing me into a walk of shame, because my appointment was during a Nor’Easter. Who knew that snow was their weakness! (I wonder if the white rapper who sang “Informer” will have the same effect…) Added plus, I think my Mom would have gotten all Mama-Bear and punched some old white lady and then I’d have to go bail her out of jail afterwards and that would have been awkward.
** Protip: Once you make it through the door you will have to walk through a metal detector and an armed police officer will be scanning you with a handheld metal detector. THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL SAFETY! I hate cops as much as the next person, but the guy they hire is not there to judge or arrest you. I’ve talked with him, it’s a tough job and he’s a nice guy. He’s the one making sure nobody shoots up or bombs the place.
Now some ladies opt for the Abortion Pill. I have a friend who had elected to go this route and her story is something out of a horror movie, that involved partially formed limbs and blood and pain and misery and a weeks worth of missed work. She didn’t want to have to deal with the surgery as her Catholic guilt got the better of her. She insisted on it even though she was right at the threshold for the pill’s effectiveness. That scared the hell out of me and I wanted it GONE, so I opted for the surgery. Either way, you still need to go into the Planned Parenthood facility, so keep an open mind. You will have many opportunities to discuss the procedure that is right for you. They will also ask you multiple times “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” so in case you have a change of heart, there is an out. You are not forced to go through with it just because you walked through the door. I think thats part of the reason for the long wait in the waiting room. The hardest part is the ultrasound. It’s a huge realization seeing something tangible that is growing inside of you. Not gonna lie – I cried.
** Pro tip: It’s so much easier to deal with the waiting room with a good buddy by your side. You see a lot of strained couples, some very scared, lonely looking women and in my case – overly concerned and slightly crazy family members that rotated through the metal detector. You are only allowed to bring one companion with you into the waiting room – so choose wisely. The last thing you need is your significant other losing his shit, your mom nagging about you the procedure, or your catty coworker who passive-aggressively slut shames you. Bring someone who builds you up and supports you, not someone who tears you down.
WHAT TO EXPECT ONCE INSIDE
During your visit, you may be given the following:
*a pregnancy test
*a chance to speak with a trained staff person about all of your choices: abortion, adoption, and parenting
*a conversation with the health care provider about your health history
*lab tests/blood work
*a pelvic exam
*medications to make the abortion more comfortable
*medication if you are Rh negative
*antibiotics or other medications
*birth control information
*a birth control method
— If you desire medication to help make your in-clinic abortion more comfortable, you must have a responsible companion with you to help you get home safely.
** Pro Tip: If you’re going to flip your shit because of anxiety or become a sobbing mess, a xanex may help – but make sure you tell them that you took something prior to showing up, otherwise you could have some bigger problems on your hands because some medications don’t mix. Don’t drive yourself anywhere or take public transportation alone – altered states mean your car can’t fly or swim and you do not want to get robbed or worse on the train or bus.
— If you plan to have sedation, please do not eat for 6 hours before your appointment or consume anything until 5am the next morning, including water.
** Pro Tip: At PP in Boston, they don’t normally sedate you, but they will inject some fentanyl into you. This medicine is a narcotic pain reliever. If you are sXe and feel guilty for having to get drugs for a medical procedure, you should probably reevaluate your priorities.
(I felt the womb scraping and I was on the drugs – I don’t care how hardcore or tuff you think you are – take the fucking drugs – unless you’re an addict and are in recovery, I feel for you and best of luck with the pain and your recovery) For people that have experience with mind altering substances (eg: High school stoners) this will probably wear off in a few hours. I was AWAKE AND LOOPY for my procedure. I couldn’t see what was happening, but I felt a sharp feeling in my internal, upper pussy area (ie: lower than belly button) and I was cracking jokes with the doctor and nurses. I deal with stress with humor.
— Wear loose fitting pants, bringing extra maxi pads (super or overnight), an extra pair of socks and an extra sweatshirt or sweater and flat shoes. Personally, I went with wearing a track suit, a hoodie, two pairs of socks stuffed into ballet flats and straddled on top of a maxi the size of a queen sized mattress.
** Pro Tip: Your Ugg boots, sweatpants and oversized Redsox hoodie is a perfect look. You can comfortably conceal your identity in the waiting room by pulling the hood up. Meanwhile you’re looking around at all the other people and seeing if you know anyone. Like that chick you always see doing lines in the bathroom at the Model…
Most women recover quickly. However, some women experience bleeding, cramping or stomach pain for up to two weeks. Contact your clinic or hospital if these symptoms are severe. Your period should return in four to six weeks. During this time you can get pregnant again if you have unprotected intercourse, so you should use some method of birth control. You should have a post abortion check two to three weeks afterwards to make sure the procedure was successful and your body has returned to normal.
If you wanna tell your lady that she’s the cunt-loving master of her sexual universe I suggest putting together something like this. First you’ll need a crucifix and crushing sense of shame — OMG JAAAY FUCKING KAAAY.
1. Salty brothy soup/crackers and Ginger Ale — after surgery your body is alll waaaahhhhhh. I threw up a grip from the fentanyl, so for every one’s sake you want to put stuff in you that’s easy on the belleh.
2. Hot Herbal Tea/Flavored Rums — If you were like me you couldn’t hold down the booze during the fetus invasion. Now is the time to slowly sip some sweet ambrosia. It’s so soothing. Stay away from beer. It makes you more bloaty.
3. Fuckin Popcicles — You earned sweetness —but not dairy! That shit is hard to deal with after surgery.
4. At least 1-2 season’s worth of quality tv dvds. You really can’t do too much while you’re recovery except sleep and complain about cramps. Take the day to watch the a show that you can nod in and out of. I watched 2 seasons of The Office and a bunch of Disney movies. I cried a lot. Stay away from Deadwood or The Sopranos. That shit is all about the existential abyss. You don’t need that right now.
5. Tabloids — obvs. Schadenfreude Mother fuckers! Because seeing other people look like shit will make you feel better about yourself.
6. The best pain pills your dealer can get — not that you’ll be in that much pain at all but it really doesn’t hurt to feel all floaty on Percocet. Or just get tynelnol if you’re scared to take drugs, puss.
7. Anything that brings humor to the situation. My fantastic friend got a huge package with girly themed lotion and make up, candy, magazines, fake candy grillz and temporary expecting mommy tattoos which blew my fucking mind!
8. COMPASSION. Your lady is a warrior and has a lot on her plate, physically and emotionally. This was probably one of the hardest things she’s ever done. (Leave the dick jokes out of it.) Hugs, kind words and encouragement will go really far.