Makes me feel like a mad man on the run.

Okay Okay Okay. I’ve been saying I was going to write for the last two weeks. I am the queen of procrastination. Sue me.

So last weekend marked the one year anniversary of DWIL’s crash on the vineyard. I must have been invited out to over half a dozen get togethers and parties from Cape Air people. I just couldn’t deal. It brought up a bunch of BS that I had suppressed and needed to get away from all of it. I’ve been saying for months to Z that I’d drive up to Maine and visit him. He said it’s been over a year since they have had any visitors. So I just jumped in the car, texted him I was on the way, plugged in the drive on the GPS and hit the road. On the way I stopped by Sonic for food. I have now gone there twice and the food is okay. It’s nothing special. It’s expensive and I waited in the drive through for an hour, which made me miss the Happy Hour on the drinks. That is the only thing they really have going for them, all the different drinks. That being said, from there it was a short hop onto I-95 north and from there, another two hours on the road. I realized I hadn’t been that far north on 95 in years. Probably not since T lived in NH. As I got further north, up by Concord I remembered that I used to hang out there all the time. I was up there multiple times a week. That was seven or eight years ago.  It seems like I blinked and ten years has passed. Life really does fly by. The foliage had already started to change, I bet it’s beautiful now. It was good to see them both. We just hung out around the house most of the time, just smoking and swapping stories from back in the day. We laughed about the time we met, at a Sandwich High after prom party. Him, T and I all sang “These boots were made for walking” super punk rock style, when my first boyfriend B accidentally hit Z with his car, stories from the Rohan house, and we reflected on the friends that we have lost to careless abandon. Later on that night we hit the local wal-mart and I was shocked. Z wasn’t kidding how hillbilly it is up there. It was like the stuff you see on http://www.peopleofwalmart.com. I expected that stuff south of the Maison-Dixon line and west of the Mississippi but in Maine?! WOW! Also all beer and liquor is state regulated, so no matter where you go, all the booze is the same price. And while Wal-mart sold beer and wine, it was at an incredible markup. Down here a 12 pack of Shipyard Pumkinhead beer goes for about $13 plus bottle deposit. In Maine (where it’s brewed) it was $16.99 plus 5% sales tax and bottle deposit. I ended up buying a bottle of wine. In Mass, that bottle would have been $3 or $4. There it was $6, plus tax and deposit. Maine recycles all glass and plastic, regardless of whether or not it’s contents are carbonated, so everything has a deposit. We stayed up all night eating frozen pizza and watching youtube videos of the whitest kids you know and MST3K. I slept well in the guest bedroom. Stinks and Brutus, the fluffy black kitties spooned with me. We all got up around 10 and Z dropped the bomb that M called him in the middle of the night, which was odd since he never calls Z. Coincidence? We’re not so sure, but we had a good laugh about it, but not at his expense.  Thats what I like about them. They can laugh about shit, but not throw him under the bus. So many other people have tried to do that, and I won’t tolerate it. While things ended badly between us, I really don’t wish M any ill will. I just want him to finally grow up and do things for himself and be happy. After a delicious breakfast of homemade french onion soup, Z and I made our way into town where we got some of the only decent pizza in town, hit this crazy used book store called Strange Main and a candy shop. I picked up an old random highschool yearbook from 1980 and the new Agoraphobic Nosebleed album. I also bought a ton of  assorted gummy candies and chocolate covered espresso beans. Shortly after that, I said my goodbyes and headed home. On my way home my mind wandered its way into a dark corner and was stuck there for the better part of the week. I’ve been plagued by strange, awful and stressful dreams almost all week. It’s really shaken me to my core and I hate it. When I wasn’t at work I was at the bar or at parties just drinking to escape the stress of everyday life and hoping to sleep a dreamless sleep.It didn’t help that J and I got into it on Monday and even though I was justified in my anger and frustration and had every right to say the things I did, I went overboard and I felt bad that I exploded on him as big as I did. He didn’t need that. He has enough going on in his own life. I did apologize and he accepted and that makes me feel a lot better.

This week was full of work and while it was a nice distraction, I still was wrestling with some demons deep down inside. Yesterday, KT and I met for coffee and we spent the whole afternoon hanging out and just shooting the breeze about everything. She’s a rad girl and I hope she makes it out in Seattle. Before she goes, we talked about taking a road trip down to DC either this weekend or next to check out the Smithsonian and the museum of Natural History. If we have time, I want to swing through Philly and see The Mutter museum. I also heard back from Apple. My beloved MacBookPro should be back in my hot little hands this weekend, free of cost. HOORAY! Now all I need to do is fix the lcd on my camera and I’m back in business. Last night was pizza night at the QD. I opted out and made pizza at home and killed half a bottle of red. I have a mild headache so I think I’m going to go have some toast and tea and then go lie down for a while.

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