Highlights from last night: “Quotes”

“Too many irish carbombs? NO WAY!”

“Other things I am right about: the sky is blue, bacon is delicious, bunnies are adorable.”


“To the Fridge!”

“James, you’re too sensitive to ever have a girlfriend.”

“That’s me on the beachside combing the sand, Metal meter in my hand, Sporting a pocket full of change.”

“Who put on the entire “best of” album of the Dave Matthews Band on the jukebox? Who does that?”

“My life is a fucking television sitcom sometimes.”

“Hey You! Lets go back to my car and I’ll suck your dick!” “But you’re married with kids!” “Yeah, so…?”

“Can you please stop grabbing my crotch and feeling me up in public? This is just all kinds of weird for me.”

“Why aren’t we friends? Why don’t we ever hang out?” “Uuhhh… Because you hate my guts?” 

“So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can’t do this to me, baby! Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here !”

“Harry sucks a lot of cock.”

“What can I say? I have no shame.”

“We all have crabs!”

“Pizza Power!”

“Please don’t make this awkward for me.” “I totally made things awkward between us, didn’t I?” “Yep. You ruined it.”

“Dude? Where’s my Phone?”

“Either Jaymz pissed himself again or someone pissed on him.”

“Well it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on….wait… Oh SNAP!”

“Someone must have broke in and pee’d on me.” 

“So the same person who pissed on Purtle must have stolen James’ phone.”

“The tinkle fairy AKA: R Kelly must have rolled through.”

“What kind of a deli has vegetables?”

“Do you want anything from MacDonalds?” “Isn’t it McDonalds?”

“Got scratched on the lip from rough housing with a 10 week old kitten. We should have ordered some kitten mittens.”

“How many Car Bombs did I drink last night?” “Seven. You drank seven Steve.” “No wonder I lost count.”


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