early morning revelations.

So this blog has gone right down the tubes, full of unfinished projects and unkept promises. I’m sorry. I really am. Take heart in knowing that it’s not because I don’t want to share everything, actually it’s quite the contrary, I do want to post everything. I just have not had the time! But here it is, quarter to four in the morning. I need to get up in a hour and a half, pack for the week, shower, eat and get moving to Providence to be abused by toddlers for seven plus hours. I’m a photographer damnit, not a jungle gym! I digress. Aside from this burst of insomnia I have been sleeping quite well. I chalk that up to Justin.

I found myself falling asleep on the couch, playing the role of big spoon as we watched Man VS Food at barely ten pm the other evening. To any who know me IRL, you know that this has never happened. I find myself so comfortable around him that I can just let go and then, just like that, I’m deeply breathing, softly snoring and perhaps even drooling, out cold on his couch. We can talk about damn near anything, with no awkwardness. Conversation just comes with ease from both of us. I often find myself wondering if its real or if I am really asleep. I am quite fond of him and occasionally I wonder if I overstep those invisible boundaries that everyone has. So far he has said that I have not, and if anything, he finds my shenanigans amusing. Last weekend, during aguamageddon, Lindsay, Justin and myself paid Kim and Colin a visit at their place and I foolishly parked on the lawn, like I normally do. The ground was obviously super saturated and we ended up requiring a tow truck to extract us from the woodstock-like conditions that I had parked my vehicle upon. As I apologized on the way home after dropping of Lindsay at her new home in Carlisle, he said something to me that cut right to my heart and has stayed with me since; “I don’t mind your antics, I think they are a lot of fun. Being with you makes me feel alive. Getting stuck in that mud reminded me that there is so much more in life than just everyday routine, so it’s okay that we are out late tonight. I had a great time.” It echos in the caverns of my skull “You make me feel alive.” It plays across my face in a soft smile. No one has ever said anything so sweet or meaningful to me like that ever. It caught me totally off guard and everything just paused while I digested those words and I just felt any reservations I might have had, totally melt away. He totally disarmed me and took down my last walls completely.

If I even had anymore doubts of his intentions or feelings after that, they are certainly wiped away now, because this Sunday, he is bringing me home to meet his family. Eeep! I am a teensy bit anxious. I mean, who wouldn’t be, it’s only natural, but since I was raised by wolves, errm…, I mean, my grandparents, older people/parents tend to like me because I know how to mind my p’s and q’s and make a good first impression. I do need to constantly remind myself not to swear in front of them… Again, if you know me IRL, my potty mouth would make a sailor blush. I finally bought myself some new clothes for the first time in 3 years that didn’t come from a thrift  or army/navy surplus store. I actually bought myself a very pretty, stylish and surprisingly flattering cocktail dress. It was marked ninety dollars, but I got it for a song, so I appreciate it even more. I even went to Sephora and bought nail polish to paint my toes to match the hot pink highlights in it. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard me correctly. I will be wearing a dress and will have pink toes. Obviously, I am totally head over heels for this guy. I just pray to Zombie Christ that they like me and find my eccentricity charming and endearing as he seems to.



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