Fuck you. Fuck you very much.

My dad called me tonight. He wants to come to Justin and I’s birthday party.

I teared up as bitterness surged though me.

Fuck you Dad. Fuck you for never giving a damn about me. Why now do you suddenly give a shit? Fuck you for having 3 more kids, 2 of which hate you more than I do. Me? I don’t hate you. I don’t even know you. How can I hate a stranger? All I feel about you is apathy. You have pretty much been dead to me for 28 years. You have done nothing but bring me disappointment.

Then why do I feel so lonely/empty tonight.

I wish I wasn’t alone, but I have nothing to talk about and wouldn’t be any fun.

All I want, right now, is to be held and not have to say a word.